4 things to do next time you’re frustrated at work
What do you do when you feel frustration?
And I'm not talking about that "oh dang, I left the milk out" frustration, I'm talking the frustration that can pop up when you:
- get yet <another> client email with “quick” edits
- hear "just get creative"
- are told that Karen’s son just learned photoshop and comped something together
The deep frustration that makes you question everything (including your worth).
Do you imagine burning it all to the ground (figuratively duh) and become a sheep farmer in Ireland?
Do you begin ruminating on all of the other times you've received similar feedback?
Do you immediately sink into the story that tells you you're not good enough?
For me, it was the need to FIX. The narrative in my head was that I shouldn't be feeling frustration (judgement) and that it meant something was wrong that needed to be fixed ASAP. (urgency).
And while frustration can be an indicator that something is wrong, there is often more nuance to it, if we allow it to come through. If we pause and actually check in with our nervous system and the stories that have been triggered we can glean more supportive information than just "WRONG / FIX" yelling in your ear.
So here are:
Four things to do next time you’re feeling the deep gut punch of frustration
Pause. This is a big one. It sounds simple (it is) but it is NOT easy. We can instantly catapult into the 5,000 other times we’ve felt this way that often has our ego saying “SEE! I TOLD YOU! I KNEW this would happen!” But I encourage you to pause, take a breath, and do what you need to do to calm your nervous system.
Examine. What are the thoughts that are coming up? No judgement here, just observe. Try to be as neutral as possible. And if neutrality is challenging, you can ask yourself “is this really true about me?” Oftentimes, the thoughts in our heads, aren’t actually true but we give them the weight as if they are.
Try to find where the hurt is. What is the deeper hurt that is showing up? Is this frustration making you feel like you’re bad at your job? Is it making you question your qualifications? Are you feeling unappreciated?
Ask yourself how you can support this part of you. The quieter voice that says “I’m scared that if I’m bad at my job, I’ll be fired,” or the exhausted part that says “I’m trying so hard and it never seems like enough” what support does that voice need? A hug? Your favorite song? A walk? While we can’t control the emails Karen sends, we can control how we respond and how we support ourselves.
For instance, what was really below my “WRONG / FIX” was that I didn’t feel valued which made me question my worth.
“If I’m not adding value, then what good am I?”
”If Karen’s son can do it, then why am I here?”
“They have more edits, then I must have done it wrong.”
So my deeper need was to reassure myself that I am safe, that I have value, and that edits don’t mean that I am wrong.
I hope these steps can support you the next time you’re feeling the hot fire of frustration and can add some calm to your day.