5 Steps to Quit Shit Talking Yourself
How to stop:
01 : Pause
Often we’re in autopilot and don’t even notice the narrative our mind is running. If you’re feeling a heavy or anxious feeling - take a breath.
02 : Notice
What’s coming up? Is there one negative thought pattern that keeps repeating? What is it saying?
03 : Refute
Is what your mind saying actually true? Like, really? (And don’t buy into it - you are a GD delight!)
04: Replace
What’s a better story you can tell about yourself?
05 : Stop
Slowly over time, your brain will begin to prioritize the new story over the old shit talking one.
Today’s Mindfulness Minute feature is to Quit Shit Talking Yourself!
Oftentimes the voice inside our head sounds like it’s coming from an enemy rather than a friend, which isn’t great especially if you’re spending a lot of time up there. See if today or this week you can begin to notice when the jerkbird thoughts start to pop up and maybe try to begin shifting the narrative into a more positive one.
Examples of shit talk:
“OMG, you’re never going to get this done, why did you wait so long, you always do this!”
“Ugh, you’re never going to be as pretty/thin/fit/cool as her”
“Did you FORGET to pick up groceries? Gah, you’re such an idiot!”
Like, not the nicest right? Also, for whatever reason my shit talk definitely sounds like an angsty teenager, so if you start hearing some angst – shit talk might be the culprit.
Ways to turn it around, examples of positive/kind talk:
”OMG, this is a tight timeline but I will do the best I can. Maybe next time I’ll try to manage my time better. It’s not the end of the world”
“Wow, I really admire that woman. I bet there are people admiring me too.”
“Ugh, I forgot the pick up groceries, that’s alright, how can I fit this into the rest of my day. I must have been really busy.”
You’re still having a reaction to what is happening (no one’s saying you have to shove down your emotions) but the story on top of what’s happening is different. Rather than layering a bunch of shit talk on top of the existing feeling, you’re acknowledging that you’re having a reaction but the story is different. This is what’s known as neuroplasticity.
Neuroplasticity
The concept of neuroplasticity explains that the neural connections in our mind can actually change, so after years of using the same neural pathway (possibly a negative thought pattern) WE CAN CHANGE IT. It’s often described as if you’re walking down a well worn pathway (the existing thought pattern) and then choosing to walk down a different path (a new thought pattern). As you can imagine, it will take some getting used to, these thought patterns have potentially been with you for your entire life! That’s a WELL WORN paved pathway my friend, it’s going to take some bushwacking effort to make a new one but the benefits far outweigh the effort.
If you have some repeated mindset blocks I’d be so happy to help, please send me a message to see if a coaching series would be right or you.
If you want more information on neuroplasticity I highly recommend the book The Brain that Changes Itself, I haven’t read all of it but what I did read was bananas.